Sports Fan/Fanboy: It's All The Same

There always seems to be a social divide between sports fans and geeks. Sports fans often look at the geeks of the world as these pathetic men and women with a detachment from the real world, while geeks look at sports nuts as brutish would-be jocks obsessed with dumb games. But when it comes down to it, we really aren’t that different.

Both Know a Lot of Dumb Things- You can list all of Derek Jeter’s stats going back to his high school years, I can list all the different shades of kryptonite. You can pontificate on the virtues (or lack there-of) restrictor plate racing, I can pontificate on the virtues of having a multiverse to work in. You can tell me who coached who to Super Bowl victory back in ’75, I can tell you who wrote Uncanny X-Men 75.


Both Like To Show off Loyalty- Is there really any difference in wearing your New York Yankees jersey out in public and me hitting the mall in my Aquaman T-shirt? And define how the guys who dress up as Boba Fett at a convention are any sadder than the assholes who paint the names of their favorite teams over their fat bellies in 30-degree weather at football games.

Passions Run Deep- How often have people almost come to blows when discussing just who exactly is the greatest NFL coach of all time? On the flip side, don’t ask a room full of fanboys to decide the outcome of a fight between Superman and Thor. See lines drawn when you announce to NASCAR fans that Dale Earnhardt was over rated. Watch friendships die when you ask if The Enterprise could take a Star Destroyer. Really. Watch it here and here.

Everyone Knows What’s Best For Their Favorite Franchise- Wouldn’t The Braves clinch the title every year if you had a shot at coaching? I know The Justice League of America would be the best selling comic in the world if I were writing it. And what was Manning thinking passing the ball the that guy? Oh, and can someone explain to me exactly why Marvel still pretends anyone likes The Sentry?

We All Know Controversy- Just how many past and future Hall of Famer’s used steroids to enhance their performance and should that be held against them? How in the fuck does Rob Liefeld keep getting paying work on mainstream books?

We’re All Pretty Immature- When you think about it, sports fans are getting worked up over grown men getting millions for playing children’s games. And geeks? Most of us never stop to think that our obsessions began as escapist entertainment in the early 20th Century for the then burgeoning kid’s culture.

Kind of Homoerotic- Hate to break it to you sports fans, but you’re really into those guys in tight clothes, grabbing each other’s ass, placing hands on each others taint, and fighting for possession of balls (not to mention soaping their naked bodies up en masse after the game). And yes, I do realize that most super hero books are about a bunch of very physically fit dudes dressed in fetish suits all hanging out together in a secret place. BUT, in their defense, they’re only doing all this to save the world, so EAT IT SPORTS FANS!

The Joke is on All of Us- Whether your passion is for the Miami Dolphins or The Mighty Avengers, we all gloss over the fact that all of it is a long con to get us to care for and shell out tons of money for (let's be honest) meaningless corporate franchises. Yep, we're the ones making a select few rich. So remember that the next time you whine about how over paid Alex Rodriguez is or about how Joe Quesada is really screwing up Marvel. In the end, it's our own damn fault.