The Horrors of TFR

Denizens of super hero universes have to deal with various diseases just like we do here in the real world. Hulk had a pal die from AIDS back in the ‘90’s, Green Arrow’s latest ward is HIV positive and Captain Marvel died from cancer.

But super heroes have the added stress of having to be vigilant against fictitious diseases as well. As if polio and lupus weren’t enough, there’s the Legacy Virus, Morticoccus, MacGregor Syndrome, and God knows how many variations of the ever-popular techno-organic virus to contend with.

However one serious ailment that has never seemed to be acknowledge by any respectable medical organization in either Marvel or DC is one that seems to strike every single super powered being at least ten times in any given year. It’s so serious that even those around the sufferer are at risk from the effects.

I’m speaking, of course, of TFR, known in the medical community as Temporary Functional Retardation.

TFR can strike anyone at any time in super hero universe, but as mentioned those most likely to be stricken tend to possess any number of super powers. If you’ve never consciously been cognizant of TFR in a super hero or villain, take heart! Fantastic Four #564 is a case study in how people act and respond to obvious danger and make really, really bad decisions when afflicted with this serious mental illness.

Symptom 1:

Not asking in-depth questions as to why your science fictiony technology isn’t working while on vacation in this great Scottish town when it does just fine everywhere else in the universe (great reception in the Negative Zone, actually).

Symptom 2:

Not raising an eyebrow when the police brag about how perfect their little town is when you’ve been to Latveria more times than you can count and know what usually is behind “perfect” little towns.

Symptom 3:

Taking miracle cures for physically debilitating condition such as MS at face value when your line of work has shown such wonders are usually the work of dark forces. Or Doctor Doom looking to score a favor. Either way, dark forces.

Symptom 4:

Ignoring a cry for help from a random stranger involving children, despite a lifetime of experience telling you that’s most likely not a good (or especially moral) route to take. Also, letting a strange, kindly-looking old man be the one to convince you not to help said innocent bystander, despite having a rogue’s gallery consisting of a fair share of strange old men who look kindly enough.

Symptom 5:

Not wondering why the lighting on your old friend’s face suddenly became more than a little ominous as he used the phrase “our god” when you thought you were having a conversation on normal old Christianity

Symptom 6:

Knowing that not only are there always evil doers around looking to strike at you through your children but knowing that history has shown that if there is any hint of trouble to be found your children will find it yet still letting them use their brand new flight jackets to roam around a strange environment.

Symptom 7:

Knowing who The Fantastic Four are, knowing all they are capable of, and knowing that more established and more funded villains than you have tried to go after their kids and failed; yet still deciding it may be worth a shot anyway.