My New "Lost" Theory

While I tend to let others theorize the true meanings of the extremely textured (if not convoluted) Lost, I wholeheartedly believe that I've figured out at least one major secret the writers have been trying to keep secret. A secret so well kept that to my knowledge no one else has stumbled upon it yet, even though it's been hiding for years in plain sight. What is this secret? Get ready to have your mind blown.

Jack Shepherd...

is really…

Charlie Salinger!

And don't think this is some silly joke about both characters being played by the same actor. If I wanted to do that I'd make a joke about Jin and Bernard taking a vacation from Wolfram & Hart. No, there's something to this, and I think the evidence speaks for itself.

Unable to Maintain a Relationship

Charlie Salinger seemed genetically predispositioned to make the life of Kirsten a living hell. From cheating on her with old flames to telling her that he didn’t want to marry her (on their wedding day no less), the dude had to have taken sick pleasure in building this poor girl up just to tear her back down. And Jack Shepherd? From episode one, Kate has practically been begging the good doctor to give a thorough examination to her nether regions and even tried to use Sawyer as a Jack proxy. And when they got off the island, Jack teased Kate with a real relationship, only to flake out over a kid Kate was raising. And not just some random kid. Not even some kid that Kate got knocked up with by another man. No, Jack’s nephew. Way to go, Jack!

Daddy Issues

Jack Shepherd undertook his father’s profession and has to deal with his peers name dropping dear old dad day in and day out at the hospital while Charlie not only took over his dad’s business, but the man’s family as well. He has to hear about how not only was his dad a better restaurateur than Charlie will ever be, but he has to live with the fact that as a paternal figure to his deceased father’s kids, he pretty much sucks. Neither Charlie nor Jack deals with this well and as a result we get binge drinking and pill popping as means of coping.

Fate Forces Both to Cast Aside Personal Dreams, Goals and Aspirations

Let’s face it, who really wants to lead a hodge-podge gathering of misfits and emotionally broken people around a time-traveling monster-filled jungle for the rest of their life when they could be getting real paid working as an in demand surgeon? Better yet, who would jump at the opportunity to move back home to raise their brothers and sisters and run a business they were never really fond of when they could keep diving pelvis first into rivers of tail? But Jack and Charlie do what they’ve got to do (or what strangers and acquaintances tell them they have to do) and try and suck it up.

Uncanny Fear of Being Alone

Jack’s famous line from season one was “We can either live together or die alone” has come to define much of who he is. And it seemed like once per episode Charlie was telling the Salinger clan they could either live together or get taken into the system by social services. And just what did said unity ever get either one? Heartache, heartbreak, rejection and no appreciation whatsoever.

Immune to Razors

Conventional blades have no effect on either Jack Shepherd or Charlie Salinger. The best a Mach III or IV can do is beat the face bushes down to a kick-ass Don Johnson-esque five o’clock shadow.

Try to tell me I’m wrong. See? You can’t do it.

My Prediction for the Last "Lost" Episode

Jack Shepherd takes a blow to the head, causing him to black out, only to wake up in bed as Charlie Salinger next to Suzanne Pleshette.