Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
All of you ASSHOLES, with the exception of Derek and Tiffany, must have gone fucking brain-dead. Did you forget how a fucking showdown works here at the Nerduary? Apparently so! Well let me fill you in just a bit. First you choose your champion, THEN you explain WHY your champion would emerge from the conflict as champion. Jesus, I understand this was a popularity contest, but SHIT at least have the fucking decency to tell me why you hate me so much. Here I'll start a list:
I'm Loud, obnoxious, egotistical, short, balding, angry with the world, bitter about women, homophobic, racist, sexist, fatist, agist, condecending, overly horny, and I use dirty words without remorse. On the other hand, I at least have the stones to tell you all to you face (or at least through the internet) that I hate you, and why I hate you. So, now that I've got that off my chest let's go get a beer. Happy hour is reinstated in the Boro, and it's time to get DRUNK at least between the hours of 5 and 7 pm.
It went something like this…
Phlogiston Inferno was in trouble and he knew it. He had the headquarters of the Association of Semi-Superpeople to himself and had decided to practice his flame techniques. Two liters of lighter fluid later he realized that he had burned Shitkicker’s room to the ground. Every earthly possession of Shitkicker’s was gone, just so much blackened ash.
“Wow,” The Masked Mofo said as he passed by, eating from a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. “Adam is definitely not getting his deposit back now. Wait... is that Shitkicker's room? Man you're fucked.”
"I don't know," The Slut said as she stuck her head from her room. "It doesn't look that bad. No, wait. Yes it does."
Phlogiston Inferno knew what had to happen. He had to kick Shitkicker’s ass before Shitkicker could kick his.
“Just don’t break my dog,” Liquid Courage slurred from the bathroom, his head hung in the toilet.
He spent an hour planning his attack. He hid behind the front door so that when Shitkicker entered, he would get the drop on him. He waited for six hours. As he was about to give up and head to the sofa to catch up on VH1’s Celebrity Fitness Club marathon, Phlogiston Inferno heard the familiar humming of Shitkicker’s motorcycle. It was time.
But time was something Phlogiston Inferno was not in possession of. The door never opened. Instead, a metal baseball bat came crashing through the door, hitting Phlogiston Inferno square in the chest. The wind knocked out of him, he toppled over. He never hit the floor, though. Shitkicker made sure of that by kicking the front door in, hammering Phlogiston Inferno in the face and throwing him through the wall. Shitkicker entered the house, eyes red with anger.
“God damn it,” he said, looking down the hall into his room. “I kept all my stuff in there.”
He prepared to beat his fallen team mate, but Phlogiston Inferno had gathered what little of his wits he could, and unleashed his nut attack, sending his fists furiously flying into the unprotected genitals of Shitkicker.
“Sucka!” he yelled, and he hit the nut attack again. Shitkicker fell to one knee, trying not to vomit. This was the opening Phlogiston Inferno needed. He leaped over Shitkicker and found the Rev. Jake’s pack of cigarettes, his Holy Smokes. He fumbled with the pack until he pried the lighter out, a little crucified Jesus. Phlogiston Inferno pressed the tiny Lord’s nail ridden feet and a flame appeared through the small crown of thorns. One flame. This was all Phlogiston Inferno needed. Shitkicker knew he was in trouble. Phlogiston Inferno began to manipulate the flame.
“Fucking heathen!” came a voice from behind Phlogiston Inferno. He turned his head to see the Rev. Jake rushing towards him. “I’ll not have to defile my Lord and savior with your petty bullshit!”
Phlogiston Inferno tried to react, but the Holy Water was on him. Rev. Jake squeezed the vile empty, covering Phlogiston Inferno from head to toe.
“Dude!” Phlogiston Inferno said, wiping the blessed waters from his face. “I was about to use Flame Attack!”
“Yeah?” Rev. Jake said, striking a match and sitting down on the sofa. “I would have liked to have seen that.”
He lit his Holy Smoke and smiled.
“Asshole,” Phlogiston Inferno said. He slowly turned his head towards Shitkicker, who was now rising to his feet. Phlogiston Inferno could see that Pretty Boy Slim had arrived. Phlogiston Inferno hoped that the Metrosexual Wonder might help, but Pretty Boy Slim just pointed and laughed at the doomed young hero. Shitkicker was up, and the big man had a malicious look about him. A look of murder. Phlogiston Inferno lowered his head and said a quiet prayer.
And then, Shitkicker was upon him.
Friday, February 24, 2006
We all know that his black costume in the comics was the symbiote that later became Venom (after joining w/ Eddie Brock). Not too long after getting rid of the symbiote (and Venom) and going back to his traditional red and blues, Peter made another black costume.
But Mary Jane made him get rid of it as it reminded her of Venom who had terrorized her several times. And again, Peter went back to the red and blues.
Well, until now when he has a new red and yellow armor that was created for him by Tony Stark:
Thursday, February 23, 2006
But I also come from the Vince McMahon school of thinking, so I propose a Special Nifty Nerduary Showdown Event!
That's right, True Believers, starting today, at this very blog, you will take part in a battle for the ages. Starting today, you, The Nerduary fans, will help put an age old question to rest. Starting today, YOU decide who will walk away the winner of.....
LOGAN v. TURNER!
WHEN TITANS COLLIDE!
But this isn't just any bout! No, True Believers, Logan and Turner will engage in mortal combat as...
SHITKICKER v. PHLOGISTON INFERNO!
hometown: Deepest, darkest Africa
powers: Shitkicker is armed with one of the worst tempers known to man, a grudge, two heavy boots and a metal baseball bat!
powers: Crazier than a shithouse rat, Phlogiston Inferno has the power to manipulate fire... as long as he starts the fire.
THE ARENA: THUNDERDOME!
TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!
Voting starts... NOW! Voting ends... MONDAY!
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
So, vote on:
Temporary Showdown Master
Temporary Showdown Masters are given one showdown per election as Temporary Showdown Master
(2 or more, Showdowns per election)
(Remain Showdown Master until relieved of duty)
Who should be the first Temporary Showdown Master
(Oppy00, better known as Turner)
( there should be NO temporary showdown masters )
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Today we focus on what should be and what actually is. Some would call this irony, I mostly call it shitty filmmaking.
Colossus should be:
We all know this is the comic book Colossus and very hard to replicate on screen. However, we were all thrilled with this version from X2.
This is just Daniel Cudmore in tinfoil. Even though the 2nd is better, they should have stuck with the X2 version.
Juggernaut should be:
Again, you're not really gonna get this very well on screen with out CGI.
Vinnie Jones in a bad body suit.
Here it doesn't look so bad. Well I mean, so fake.
The Beast should be::
Way better than the newly secondary mutation/cat-like Beast we have lately
The Beast is:
I got nothing. Now that I've seen these newer stills, I'm actually liking the makeup job.
Stacy X should be:
Left in the comic books because she was a shitty character.
Stacy X is:
Unfortunately in the damned movie. Ratner loses more points for including her. I'd rather see Chris Tucker as Bishop than Stacy X. Plus look at Callisto and Psylocke. *Groan*
I could go on and on, but I don't feel like it. I'm already kind of nauseas. So here I leave you all with a picture of one of the few redeeming things I have found thus far:
Jamie Madrox, the Multiple Man (but I really want to see the t-shirt. I want to get a Multiple Man t-shirt)
Now, I'll admit it: I've been wrong before. A lot. So we have to still give the benefit of the doubt. They still have 3 months left to tweak it. But we can always raise hell later on if it sucks like I think it probably will.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
The Nerduary, a safe haven for all things NERD. Let us look at what a nerd is see "Who's a nerd?" in the November section of the Nerduary archives. I comment in this prior article about how nerds have a certain lack of sex appeal, well here is a Valentine's Message to all the ladies, and maybe a few of you fellows who will agree with me (guys I'm straight, so please don't hit on me, I won't appreciate it).
I'm shallow. I like pretty girls, and beautiful women. Is there anything wrong with that? Hell No!!! Do my ridiculously high standards keep me from finding true love? I sure hope not, but I think living a shallow unfulfilled life is better than being shackled to un ugly woman. Here are a few pictures of women I consider to be 10s on the traditional 1 to 10 scale. Ladies this is who you should measure yourself by, while realizing that 10 is the best score possible, and 99% of you or more will never achieve it. Let me encourage you in this, just because you'll never reach the top of Everest, doesn't mean you shouldn't reach for the summit. Even when you fall short, you'll still be higher than you were when you started.
True, these women are all celebrities, this doesn't mean only celebrities are 10s, but that is one thing they're good for, is comparisons. Now granted these women are all judged by me, and my standards, and only on the basis of looks. So if you don't like my taste, PISS OFF!! or you may show me a few ladies that you consider to be 10s.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Speedy Appears on Upcoming JLU
Speedy makes an animated appearance in the upcoming JLU episode, Patriot Act, as one of the Seven Soldiers of Victory! Comic book fans will recall that Speedy was a member of that Golden Age team of superheroes.
Here's how Cartoon Network describes the episode: When an out of control super soldier threatens Metropolis, Green Arrow leads seven non-powered Justice Leaguers, including Crimson Avenger and Shining Knight, in a battle they can’t hope to win. <--- That's the "Fuck Yeah" part.
Speedy's animated look on JLU is essentially a more grown-up version of his Teen Titans design. For images, check out Toon Zone's Speedy Bio for JLU. The episode has only aired in the UK, and is not yet scheduled to air in the United States. An interesting note: The JLU Speedy is voiced by Mike Erwin, who provided Speedy's voice on Teen Titans. This adds to the Teen Titans/JLU synergy established by Michael Rosenbaum voicing Flash on JLU and Kid Flash on Teen Titans.
Could Teen Titans and JLU actually exist in the same continuity? The way I figure it, TEEN TITANS is actually a prequel to BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES. It takes place during Dick Grayson's high school years. And oh, it's told from Beast Boy's point-of-view, which accounts for the slightly skewed wackiness of the series.
Paul Dini Comments on JLU and Teen Titans
Paul Dini recently commented on JLU and Teen Titans on his livejournal: "I did an on camera interview with Bruce, David (Jimmy Olsen) Kaufman, Glen Murakami and Alan Burnett last night for the next (and last) SUPERMAN DVD set. Afterwards we went to dinner where Glen confirmed the end of TITANS, and Bruce said pretty much the same about JLU. There has been some talk about the JLU episodes airing earlier in the states, but that was still being debated at Cartoon Network. I forgot to ask Bruce how my Supergirl episode came out. Maybe I can get a preview if I'm at WB any time soon."
"I had heard people were getting more territorial with certain DC characters (no more Joker in JLU, for instance) but I didn't know the details. I knew two years ago when I left, that as heroes (and their villains) got snapped up in live movie options, it tended limited their appearances elsewhere." <--- Goddamned politics!
Friend and co-worker BJ demanded a few months ago that we go to a Chinese buffet for lunch. We caved, did what he asked, and found ourselves with one of the shittiest eating experiences ever.
One, single, joke about what the restaurant would be like if a Panda Bear were running the register has given birth to this.
Be honest, you know you'd vote for him.