Tuesday, December 27, 2005
With less than one week to go before the year all Transformers fans quietly waited for comes to an end, there’s still plenty of time left to drum up more voters for the “Best of 2005” poll.
So far, a fair amount have spoken (or clicked). Not bad, I say, but we can do better. So get out there and force people to the polls if you have to. Voting will continue until Monday, so there’s time aplenty!
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Namely, an early comic post.
Here's your obligatory preview:
Head on over there and give it a look-see. You'll chuckle, and you might even learn something before we're done.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Voting will continue until the new year, so there’s plenty of time to get your friends (you do have those, right?) and have them head over to cast their vote!
Monday, December 19, 2005
1. Establish world peace. I’m tired of all the fighting and the bullshit that comes with our leader’s failed attempts to shepherd us into the future. With the Infinity Gauntlet, I would cut the crap and make us all happy.
2. Manifest wish-powers cars. This is pretty self explanatory.
3. End all child abuse. Unless the kid really deserves it, no more bad things will ever happen to children. Ever. Unless it’s done as a funny.
4. Create bubble gum flavored rain. Again, pretty self explanatory.
5. Orchestrate the utter annihilation of my enemies. I would summon them to my palace, created on a whim by me at the snap of my fingers. The palace would be made from the souls of ten thousand murdered child molesters, and would be decorated in the agony of a thousand broken hearted widows. My enemies would find themselves stripped naked before me, forced to bow down in their own filth and worship me and plead for their lives. They would be forced to cry for forgiveness. But it would not come. Using the Infinity Gauntlet, I would flay them, and then drink in their pain and terror as I animated their hides, forcing them to dance before the now skinless men and women. Then, their hides would begin to beat each other up, and we would all place bets on which skin would become supreme meat cover. I would then send my skinless enemies to the salt pits, where they would be forced to wrestle each other, letting the salts burrow into their bodies and open wounds.
6. Everyone gets a puppy. Again, no need for explanation.
How does noone ever notice Superman's outfit under all of those white dress shirts he wears?
I know first hand that you see colors through a white dress shirt. So how is it that noone ever notices the big, freakin' "S" in the center of his chest? Even just seeing the blue top when he's wearing the jacket should cause a little curiosity.
"Hey, um, Clark? Are you wearing a Superman t-shirt under your shirt?"
"No reason. It's cool, but that's like the seventh day in a row you've worn it. Just so you know, it's cool to be a Superman fan and all; but you don't have to wear that every day. Or at least wear a dark blue dress shirt or something, okay?"
Come to think of it, what does he do with the cape when he's Clark?
I guess that people are't really that observent if they don't even notice that he's the same guy just wearing glasses...
Friday, December 16, 2005
Chris called me the other night and mentioned it's release, and for a few seconds I was actually a little hesitant to run out and buy it. There. I said it.
Me: "I dunno."
Chris: "What do you mean?"
Me: "I'm a little weary of going out and buying this one. What if Joss releases a 'super-duper, extended, special, director's cut' for the movie 3 months after this one?"
Chris: "Well...I guess we'll just have to give him some more money now won't we?"
Me: "Yeah. Proabably."
Chris: "We've gotta support Joss and not be like those assholes who claim to be Joss Whedon fans and love Buffy and Angel, but never saw Serenity."
Or something like that...
So just like Garden State, I'll probably run out and buy it on the day it's released. Aw, who the hell am I kidding? I'm going to.
Just for fun, here are two preview pages:
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
I play World of Warcraft. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a “massively multiplayer online role-playing game.” In-game, I’m a not-very-powerful gnome magician who runs around in this fantasy world populated by thousands of other people.
A good bit of the game is spent killing monsters. When you kill monsters, you get money and stuff. Sometimes you can sell the stuff, sometimes you can use the stuff they drop to make other stuff, sometimes they drop stuff that you can use (like weapons or armor).
Basically, the game’s all about killing monsters to become more powerful, and getting better equipment to more efficiently kill said monsters and (on the particular server that I play on) enemy players.
What do I say to that? Screw it.
I don’t want to spend hours and hours and hours killing critters, hoping that one drops the “Unholy Paladin Bonger +50” that I absolutely need to have a .1 percent edge over the other guy.
I want real power. Power to shape the landscape of the game.
Thanks to its huge player base (measured in the millions) and all the stuff that can be found, bought, made and sold in the game, World of Warcraft has a pretty active simulated economy.
It all centers around the “Auction House,” which is basically eBay for World of Warcraft. People take items there, list a price for them, and sell them to other players. It’s a pretty slick system.
And I’m taking full advantage of it.
There’s a little known add-on for World of Warcraft called “Auctioneer.” It’s allowed by the game’s developers, and works pretty simply. Whenever you go the auction house, you click a button and it goes through all of the auctions there, typically more than 4,000, and looks at what things are selling for.
It takes that information and tosses into a database. As you continue to scan over the next few days, it builds up an idea of what the going market value for items are.
You can then tell it to highlight auctions that are going for significantly less than market value. For instance, I’ve told it to show me auctions that are selling for 20 percent or less of their true value.
It makes a list, I buy the stuff, and immediately relist it at the (Auctioneer-supplied) “correct” market value. It sells at a huge profit, and I rake in the cash.
This has been incredibly lucrative for me. My level 27 character has 150 gold pieces. That’s somewhat akin to being 29 years old and a multi-millionaire. Sure, it happens, but it doesn’t happen frequently.
I started with five gold pieces, a gift from a real-life friend who plays, about three weeks ago.
As I amass more wealth, I’m not just being a participant in the economy – I’m actively working to manipulate it to my benefit (see “Power to shape the landscape of the game,” above).
I’m doing this in two ways: first, by outright market manipulation. This is when I buy up the entire supply of something relatively rare and relatively important for players to have from the Auction House, and immediately relist it at jacked-up rates way beyond what it should sell for, thus completely screwing supply and demand.
The second is by preying on other users of “Auctioneer.” Remember how it works to build a database of the market value of items, based on what they’re selling for at the Auction House?
I start with an item that’s low-level, and not terribly common. That way, I can be sure that it’s something that’s never, ever put on the Auction House.
For example, a level 3 weapon that’s worth three silver pieces (one silver=100 gold). I then keep that weapon listed at the Auction House for several days at a price of 200 gold.
Nobody would buy it at that price, right? That’s the point – other players using “Auctioneer” end up with their databases showing the market value of this item as 200 gold, since I keep on listing it at the price, and no one else is bothering to put such a crappy little thing on auction.
After a few days, I drop the price on the auction to 20 gold. Other players’ “Auctioneer” plugins flag that auction as a great deal – after all, it’s 90 percent off the “market price” I so carefully manipulated.
They buy something positively worthless for 20 gold, convinced they can resell it.
I laugh maniacally.
Who needs to go out and kill monsters all day long to get a sense of victory?
In honor of a certain movie opening that everyone knows about, here is a very special Nifty Nerduary Showdown #11.
King Kong picked up his beauty and climbed the building as thousands screamed from below. A few blocks away, something caused the ground to shake. Kong leapt to the ground and placed the woman on the ground. He faced down the street and waited as the footsteps approached.
Could it be one of the dinosaurs from the island?
"It stepped on a church!" a running man screamed.
Kong took a deep breath and awaited whatever came around the corner.
One step at a time, a large Stay Puft Marshmelow Man steps around the corner. The marshmellow man's face turns from a grin to a scowl before he yells. Kong snorts and then rushes, determined to end this.
So there we have it. King Kong versus the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man. Have fun. Voting will end next Tuesday.
"It belongs in a museum!" Indiana yelled as he held the trinket. "I've been doing this a long time."
Han Solo laughed. "Yes, I bet you have." Contrary to popular belief, Solo draws first AND fires first. However, Indy drops to one knee and yanks the blaster pistol out of Han's hand (sounds weird) as the blaster bolt sizzles over his head. Han tries to rush Indy into a brawling position, but Indy draws his pistol and sends Han to his death with one shot.
Indy then slips away to steal the treasure.
So there we have it. According to Nerduary voters, Indiana Jones slips by with a victory over Han Solo.
The swords clash as the two men battle across the sands. He-Man, believing Conan is an agent of Skeletor's, fights with everything he's got. However, it is all for nothing. Conan, being the ultimate bad ass, destroys He-Man. Nothing, not even He-Man's awesome hair, could save him from the power of Conan.
According to Nerduary voters, Conan buries He-Man.
And then pisses on his grave.
GREEN ARROW #60
Written by Judd Winick, art and cover by Scott McDaniel and Andy Owens.
It's One Year Later, and Ollie Queen is the newly elected mayor of Star City, fighting the good fight on the streets and through the system! And welcome aboard the new art team of Scott McDaniel and Andy Owens.
32 pages, $2.50, in stores on March 15.
Oliver Queen...as mayor of Star City. Ok. Well, um, I guess I can give it the benefit of the doubt. I usually like Winick's writing, but it's usually just the penciling that throws me off on the series. It's amazing how much bad art I tend to put up with for a character I like.
CYBORG IN SMALLVILLE
Cyborg will be appearing in a February sweeps episode of Smallville on The WB.
"We have always liked this character from the Titans," series executive producer Al Gough told The Continuum. "We thought he had an interesting dilemma: Am I man or machine? Have I compromised my humanity? Will I find love in this condition?
"The same themes I always loved in Robocop."
No word yet on casting. The episode will likely be titled "Cyborg." Cyborg follows Flash and Aquaman as DC heroes guest-starring on Smallville.
Gough is also executive producing the Aquaman pilot movie with partner Miles Millar. He said the lead role has not been cast yet.
"We are still scouring the seven seas, and a few countries, including Australia, the UK and Canada," Gough said. "We've sifted through literally hundreds of auditions trying to find lightning in a bottle like we did with Tom Welling. I've been impressed with the talent pool, we've seen a lot of very interesting guys."
Well......they managed to pull off The Flash (still hated him being Bart instead of Barry) and even Aquaman, so again; I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Still waiting to see Bruce Wayne pop up in Metropolis. If they can bring in Aquaman and Cyborg, I think they can give a shout out to Batman. Just sayin'. Soooo...Booya!?
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Serenity set down on the ancient world known as Earth. Mal had always heard the planet had been used up, but to his shock he found a highly industrialized world of skyscrapers, flying cops that stop at some place called McDonald's, weird radio shows with screaming male DJs that sound like women, and blue opera singers.
River felt uncomfortable in her new surroundings and fled Serenity. For hours she fled through the endless cityscape, trying to run from the thoughts in her mind. She entered an alley to see a strange young woman with orange hair, screaming in some ancient tongue. Suddenly, as if a switch was flipped, River blacks out and her body takes over in a surprisingly fierce attack.
Leeloo had no idea why this stranger was attacking her. In fact, she had no idea where she was after falling into this alley when running from the strange men in blue. She only knew she would have to defend herself.
Okay, River from Serenity/Firefly all on her own versus Fifth Element's Leeloo also on her own. Let the best women win. Voting will continue, as always, until next week. Please place your vote first in the post and then the reason.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
In one corner, we have He-Man. (In case anyone is wondering, he cannot call on his friends to help)
In the other corner, we have Conan the Barbarian. (also on his own)
Let the best man win.
In response to a request from a voter, could you please state your vote at the top of the entry and then explain why. Thanks. As always, voting will last one week.
All right. I wanted to hate it. I really did. But now I'm actually more intrigued. Beast comes off looking a little better in the trailer than that cheesy promo picture, but I'm having a hard time dealing with how Vinnie Jones looks as Juggernaut. But whatever. There's still 6 months for them to make any tweaks and adjustments that need to be made. I'll reserve final judgement until then.
My verdict for now? Give it a look if you haven't already. I was dead set against seeing it before...not so much now. Plus, now I know Madrox is in it. You can barely see him in the trailer.
Oh, and it seems they're taking a good bit from Joss Whedon's first run on Astonishing. So, if they can stay in line with that good arc, things should be ok. Should be.
Monday, December 05, 2005
Friday, December 02, 2005
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Everyone good? Thank you. You all look prepared now, so I’m just going to come out with it: Superman must be brought to justice.
Order! Order, I say! Calm down, all of you! I will NOT have chaos in this forum! Yes, I know that Superman has saved this planet multiple times, and because of him, we can all rest easy knowing the menaces like Lex Luthor, Brainiac and Bizarro have been held at bay more than once because of him. Of course I am grateful to him. And that’s why it is with a heavy heart, I give to you, my colleagues, my friends, the first of several reports documenting why the Man of Steel must come before us and answer for his crime. YES! HIS CRIMES!
I present to you first, the case of “the Superman from 100,000 years in the future” incident. Yes, Mr. Oppy, I remember that this was the time that Superman pretended to travel 100,000 years into the future, only to be temporarily “replaced” by the Superman of that era in an effort to stop the president of the United States from being assassinated, but please, just bear with me and look at the facts:
You’ll all remember that the whole affair was a ruse. As Superman pretended to be his counterpart from 100,000 years into the future, he convinced us all that four major disasters would be visited upon us, but that he would try to stop them: Disasters like a bridge collapsing, a passenger ship off shore being destroyed by an atomic bomb, and an undersea, domed city being destroyed. The fourth disaster? That’s right, “future Superman” didn’t “remember” what that one was, as history was fuzzy on that point.
Now, if’ you’ll all turn the pages of your reports.
Future Superman soon found that he was powerless to stop the first three disasters, and then conveniently used is future vision to see that next disaster would be the assassination of the president of the United States. On that point, he was an astounding success. Why? Because it was all a plot to draw the assassins out. Turns out that the “future Superman” was really our guy in disguise all along.
He just faked being sent into the future, and to draw out the assassins, let a bridge be DESTROYED, allowed a dome over an undersea city to COLLAPSE, and let a passenger liner get NUKED. All based on a hunch. By his own admission, he didn’t know per se that someone was going to make an attempt on the president’s life, just that if someone saw Superman fail at stopping a few major disasters, that someone might try, using the logic that the other terrible events were fated to happen, so to must be the presidents murder. In all fairness, Superman did promise to fix all the damage, but shit people, that’s major property damage, not to mention the devastating impact of having a nuke blow up just off shore.
While I applause Superman’s initiative at keeping the leader of the free world safe, I have to draw into question his methods. As much as it pains me to do this, I must recommend that a congressional committee be formed to investigate the Man of Steel’s actions taken during this case. Even if we cast aside the massive damage done to both public and private property, we cannot allow a being as powerful as Superman to abuse the public trust like he has done. Yes, yes, yes, Mr. Thomas, we all know that you are a huge supporter of Superman’s, but even you must step back and admit that he has seriously violated our trust, and dare say our safety.
We’ll break for now. I think everyone needs time to digest today’s report. We’ll convene again soon as I will be presenting a report on Superman’s abuse of animals, without even going into the infamous “Titano” incident. Good, gentlemen.
Vince Vaughn is the Wolverine of Hollywood. Seriously, he’s everywhere.
I really decided this when I went to see Ocean’s 12 (waaaay back then it was really evident), and Vaughn was in 3 of the 4 trailers they showed.
Now I’m not denying his talent or saying he brings down any movie he appears in, far from it. He’s actually a great actor with really good range. For instance, look at him in Old School or Dodgeball and then look at him in Clay Pigeons or Domestic Disturbance. Those are way different characters and he pulls them off perfectly. I’m just saying that he’s in everything now, whether it be a starring or supporting role or even a cameo.
Just like Wolverine. He’s in practically every X-title, New Avengers, House of M, his own solo title (which is fantastic), Power Pack, and on and on and on. Never doubt he’s gonna be good in whatever he’s in, it’s just that… well, does he have to be in every freaking Marvel title? And does Vaughn have to be in every damned movie?
I think Hollywood thinks so. He must have some deal worked out with studio execs to get him in more movies than Clint Howard. And if that’s the case, it’ll be a long while until we see a Vince Vaughn-free movie.
Coming this winter... I Have a Dream: The Martin Luther King, Jr. Story…starring Vince Vaughn as The Dr. Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.
The Millenium Falcon landed with a thud in the middle of the jungle. Han Solo looked to his co-pilot.
"Chewie, I'm going to check out this temple. No matter what happens, you stay here."
Solo adjusts his quick draw holster and enters the ancient temple on the unknown world far from any known systems.
The temple is full of artifacts he and Chewie could sell to lift Jabba's bounty. Han smiled. In the near darkness, he thought he saw a figure ... maybe wearing hat.
Indiana Jones pushed the thick spider webs away from his face and squinted into the dimly lit corridor. In the distance stood a familiar looking man about his age, wearing a black vest and carrying a pistol.
Indiana sighed. Another graverobber. Well, this wouldn't be another South American where his treasure goes home with someone else. No, Indiana would take care of this himself.
Okay, you have the first Star Wars (or would that be fourth?) Han Solo versus Raiders of the Lost Ark Indiana Jones. Remember, Chewie has been ordered to stay on the ship and there are no other ships in the system. All of Indiana's guides have been killed by traps. Both are armed with whatever you see them use in the movies.
Let the showdown begin.